In my new teeny tiny 900 square foot house (of which I can only use two-thirds -- different story altogether), my king-sized bed takes up the majority of the bedroom. When I walk through the door to my bedroom, two steps gets to the bed, two steps to the left gets to the bathroom, and two steps forward... and that's it! That's all the room I have to move around!
With no space (obviously) for a nightstand, my cute set of bedside lamps found new homes in boxes in a storage building, and I accepted a clip-on desk lamp attached to my headboard. The problem is that the only plug is in the far corner where the bed is against two walls. So every night as I prepare for bed, I crawl across the king-sized bed to twist the knob on the end of the lamp and turn on the light, which I have flipped upside down so it won't blind me.
Then, I crawl back off the bed to turn off the overhead light.
It's a demeaning crawl.
I remind myself that this is only my temporary home, and that my living arrangements are better than those of so many people in the world!! I feel guilty for feeling down on myself when I have a roof over my head, indoor plumbing, and working appliances.
To be honest, I'm embarrassed. At this point in my life, I did not picture myself here, and it hurts to look around me and see boxes of my life that have absolutely no where to go. Actually, if you had told 21-year-old me that this would be my life, I would have literally laughed out loud. Really. I smile right now so as not to cry as I stare at these boxes I have to step over every time I walk across my living room.
Every night, I look forward to turning off the lights; and every morning, I lie in the dark trying to figure out where I am because this does not feel like home. I want to click my heels, but that doesn't work.
I miss my house, but it's somebody else's house now. I miss my walk-in closet, the half-drawn mural on my guest bedroom wall, the turquoise office where I wrote most of my novel, the dining set I picked up at a yard sale for $20, the kitchen island where I served Easter lunch and decorated countless birthday cakes and cupcakes, the dining room windowsills where I started the seeds for my garden, the front porch overlooking my huge front yard, the flowerbeds full of daylilies, roses, daisies, hydrangeas... it hurts to think of how I've gone from all of that to this.
But I have learned to be content in all circumstances. And when looking at my new surroundings just hurts too much, I simply flip the switch so I don't have to look anymore.
Aim High!!
Henry David Thoreau once said, "In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, they had better aim at something high."
Too long, I have lived without real goals. Dreams, yes. Goals, not so much. I've been made to feel inferior, inadequate, unimportant; and I lost belief that I really "can do all things" that I set my mind to doing when God is part of my decision-making process. Until recently, I've settled for making the most out of what I had rather than striving for something more.
Forced to make changes and look at my life anew, I've been liberated to the realization that I can achieve great things... but only if I try. With that realization, I'm no longer satisfied with life as it is. Content, yes. Satisfied, not so much. It is time for me to set some big goals and begin working in the direction God is leading me.
Whatever goals you are aiming for today, here is a word of encouragement from Ephesians 3:16-21,
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Here's to aiming high today!! Big goals, big dreams, big plans! Nothing is too big for our God!
Too long, I have lived without real goals. Dreams, yes. Goals, not so much. I've been made to feel inferior, inadequate, unimportant; and I lost belief that I really "can do all things" that I set my mind to doing when God is part of my decision-making process. Until recently, I've settled for making the most out of what I had rather than striving for something more.
Forced to make changes and look at my life anew, I've been liberated to the realization that I can achieve great things... but only if I try. With that realization, I'm no longer satisfied with life as it is. Content, yes. Satisfied, not so much. It is time for me to set some big goals and begin working in the direction God is leading me.
Whatever goals you are aiming for today, here is a word of encouragement from Ephesians 3:16-21,
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Here's to aiming high today!! Big goals, big dreams, big plans! Nothing is too big for our God!
To the Love of My Life
So many people have told me that I need to be careful this next go around, that I need to be selective. They don't realize that I know exactly the kind of man I am waiting for and feel certain that I'll recognize him almost instantly when God opens that door. Not that I'm in a rush by any means! I just have peace that God will show me the right man in the right timing.
So, for my future husband to read one day, I'm putting my wish list in writing. Really, any guy who even thinks he wants to date me should read this just to rule himself out and not waste my time unless he is up for the challenge of being the man I want and need him to be. My wants and needs are specific, so it's only fair that he knows what he is getting himself into. So here it goes...
Dear love of my life, future father of my children, rocker rocking along side me on the front porch,
I need you to...
... be a God-fearing Christian man, first and foremost. You can love me so much your heart bursts, but if you don't love God even more, it will never work.
... accept the responsibility of being the spiritual leader of the home. That means going to church, striving to draw closer to God, reading Bible stories to our kids one day, teaching them right from wrong, holding me accountable to God's Word when you see me slipping, having faith to carry us through whatever hard times will come because I know that hard times WILL come, and loving me like Christ loved the church - so much that you would lay down your life for our family if necessary. If you love me like that, then I can trust you whole-heartedly with every part of my being.
... want kids because I want to be a mom. If we can't have children of our own for some reason, that simply means that God has a different route intended for us. You need to be the kind of man who would play in the floor with his kids at the end of the day even when he is exhausted and just wants to relax and watch televsion.
... appreciate me and all that I do. I don't mind cooking, cleaning, or taking care of things around the house, but I need to be encouraged rather than overlooked. I need more than a simple "thanks" after I've worked all day then came home and cooked a nice dinner. A kiss on the cheek, an offer to do the dishes, a surprise visit from a maid, a night away from home, or an occasional bouquet of flowers wouldn't be too much to ask.
... encourage me to have a life outside of the house, not make me feel guilty for spending an afternoon with my cousins or for going out to lunch with coworkers. Having relationships and doing fun things with friends or family is important for both of us, otherwise we will have nothing to talk about other than work!
... be handy. I want a man who knows more about tools than I do and who can change the oil in my car! If you can actually be a Mr. Fix-it around the house, even better. I don't intend for you to always have to fix things and I'm not against taking my car to the shop, but a man who knows how to do things with his hands makes me feel like I am safe, like he is in control of the situation and I don't need to worry. I need to feel like I can depend on you when things fall apart. Blame that on my daddy who can fix anything with his eyes closed :)
... be a man's man. Whether it be hunting, fishing, sports, etc., you need to be active in typical "guy" stuff or you won't fit in with my family. Yet, you must know the balance between life and hunting. Hunt all day every day, but there comes a time to prioritize me over a deer stand. I've been second. Heck, I've been way down the list at fourth or fifth, and I will not do that to myself ever again. I deserve more than that. I don't mind planning family holidays around hunts or ballgames, but understand that I am more important than some trophy to hang on the wall. A real man's man knows the value of a good woman and cherishes her more than any trophy.
... be a physical person. I want to snuggle on the couch even if your arm falls asleep, and I don't want a king sized bed with pillows in the middle. I need to be touched on a regular basis to feel close to you. It's important. I need to feel wanted every day, not just vacations and anniversaries. I want days when you can't keep your hands off me because you love me so much.
... be reliable. When you say you are going to do something (even something as small as take out the trash), do it. I don't need excuses; I need you. I need a partner I can depend on when it comes to all aspects of life, whether big or small. I don't expect you to be perfect, but I need the effort. I need to know I don't have to handle everything on my own.
... trust me. I want to be the woman of your dreams, and God is molding me to be everything you've ever wanted because I am putting Him first. With you second only to Him, you never have to wonder where my heart is.
... know the difference between a leader and a dictator. I need you to lead me, not tell me what to do. Talk to me with respect, not with a raised voice. Treat me like an equal, not an employee. And please don't try to control me or keep me under your thumb. I am a capable, intelligent woman with opinions and feelings. I can be your helpmate in so many ways if you let me, but don't try to break my spirit and make me into your underling. Lead me the right way, and I will follow you anywhere.
... know how to have fun!! I can get stressed sometimes (something God and I are working on), and I need you to help me relax and enjoy life even when things are going wrong. Take me dancing, four-wheeler riding, skiing, anything! I don't want to spend my life holed up at home on the couch. Couches were designed for resting, not living. I want to get out and experience all this world has to offer. I'm likely to talk myself out of doing the things I'd really enjoy, so I need you to push me out of my comfort zone and ignore my excuses. Let's have fun!
... just love me for me. I sometimes burn supper. My house isn't always spotless. I come as a package deal with three dogs and a cat, and I'm likely to pick up more along the way because I do that :) I get stressed sometimes. I try to do everything on my own, and I'm too stubborn to wait for help. I have way too many pairs of shoes. I try to grow a garden but usually fail. I have a hard time following through with projects around the house because my mind goes in so many different directions, and I have trouble throwing away anything for which I think I can find a use.
I hope you are man enough to accept this challenge :) I look forward to meeting you...
Sincerely, Your lady in waiting
So, for my future husband to read one day, I'm putting my wish list in writing. Really, any guy who even thinks he wants to date me should read this just to rule himself out and not waste my time unless he is up for the challenge of being the man I want and need him to be. My wants and needs are specific, so it's only fair that he knows what he is getting himself into. So here it goes...
Dear love of my life, future father of my children, rocker rocking along side me on the front porch,
I need you to...
... be a God-fearing Christian man, first and foremost. You can love me so much your heart bursts, but if you don't love God even more, it will never work.
... accept the responsibility of being the spiritual leader of the home. That means going to church, striving to draw closer to God, reading Bible stories to our kids one day, teaching them right from wrong, holding me accountable to God's Word when you see me slipping, having faith to carry us through whatever hard times will come because I know that hard times WILL come, and loving me like Christ loved the church - so much that you would lay down your life for our family if necessary. If you love me like that, then I can trust you whole-heartedly with every part of my being.
... want kids because I want to be a mom. If we can't have children of our own for some reason, that simply means that God has a different route intended for us. You need to be the kind of man who would play in the floor with his kids at the end of the day even when he is exhausted and just wants to relax and watch televsion.
... appreciate me and all that I do. I don't mind cooking, cleaning, or taking care of things around the house, but I need to be encouraged rather than overlooked. I need more than a simple "thanks" after I've worked all day then came home and cooked a nice dinner. A kiss on the cheek, an offer to do the dishes, a surprise visit from a maid, a night away from home, or an occasional bouquet of flowers wouldn't be too much to ask.
... encourage me to have a life outside of the house, not make me feel guilty for spending an afternoon with my cousins or for going out to lunch with coworkers. Having relationships and doing fun things with friends or family is important for both of us, otherwise we will have nothing to talk about other than work!
... be handy. I want a man who knows more about tools than I do and who can change the oil in my car! If you can actually be a Mr. Fix-it around the house, even better. I don't intend for you to always have to fix things and I'm not against taking my car to the shop, but a man who knows how to do things with his hands makes me feel like I am safe, like he is in control of the situation and I don't need to worry. I need to feel like I can depend on you when things fall apart. Blame that on my daddy who can fix anything with his eyes closed :)
... be a man's man. Whether it be hunting, fishing, sports, etc., you need to be active in typical "guy" stuff or you won't fit in with my family. Yet, you must know the balance between life and hunting. Hunt all day every day, but there comes a time to prioritize me over a deer stand. I've been second. Heck, I've been way down the list at fourth or fifth, and I will not do that to myself ever again. I deserve more than that. I don't mind planning family holidays around hunts or ballgames, but understand that I am more important than some trophy to hang on the wall. A real man's man knows the value of a good woman and cherishes her more than any trophy.
... be a physical person. I want to snuggle on the couch even if your arm falls asleep, and I don't want a king sized bed with pillows in the middle. I need to be touched on a regular basis to feel close to you. It's important. I need to feel wanted every day, not just vacations and anniversaries. I want days when you can't keep your hands off me because you love me so much.
... be reliable. When you say you are going to do something (even something as small as take out the trash), do it. I don't need excuses; I need you. I need a partner I can depend on when it comes to all aspects of life, whether big or small. I don't expect you to be perfect, but I need the effort. I need to know I don't have to handle everything on my own.
... trust me. I want to be the woman of your dreams, and God is molding me to be everything you've ever wanted because I am putting Him first. With you second only to Him, you never have to wonder where my heart is.
... know the difference between a leader and a dictator. I need you to lead me, not tell me what to do. Talk to me with respect, not with a raised voice. Treat me like an equal, not an employee. And please don't try to control me or keep me under your thumb. I am a capable, intelligent woman with opinions and feelings. I can be your helpmate in so many ways if you let me, but don't try to break my spirit and make me into your underling. Lead me the right way, and I will follow you anywhere.
... know how to have fun!! I can get stressed sometimes (something God and I are working on), and I need you to help me relax and enjoy life even when things are going wrong. Take me dancing, four-wheeler riding, skiing, anything! I don't want to spend my life holed up at home on the couch. Couches were designed for resting, not living. I want to get out and experience all this world has to offer. I'm likely to talk myself out of doing the things I'd really enjoy, so I need you to push me out of my comfort zone and ignore my excuses. Let's have fun!
... just love me for me. I sometimes burn supper. My house isn't always spotless. I come as a package deal with three dogs and a cat, and I'm likely to pick up more along the way because I do that :) I get stressed sometimes. I try to do everything on my own, and I'm too stubborn to wait for help. I have way too many pairs of shoes. I try to grow a garden but usually fail. I have a hard time following through with projects around the house because my mind goes in so many different directions, and I have trouble throwing away anything for which I think I can find a use.
I hope you are man enough to accept this challenge :) I look forward to meeting you...
Sincerely, Your lady in waiting
Knock Knock!
http://beyondwaiting.com/2013/07/15/give-me-some-time-to-kick-that-door-down/
I'm sharing this link because the writer of this blog says exactly what I needed to hear today and I can't phrase it any better than she did!
I've recently accepted that there are certain things in life that I think I want but I am not supposed to have. Not every door is put in my path so I can go through it. Some doors, however promising what's on the other side may be, are meant to be only tests of my faith and patience.
Life is too precious to waste energy kicking at doors God doesn't want me to open. My time is better spent on my knees praying for God to open the right doors. This writer says "There’s a door you won’t have to force because it was made for swinging open at the faintest touch." In my heart, I know that is true.
As a divorced woman, I find myself spending too much time dwelling on my future. My life seems as though I'm standing alone in a pale room, and every wall is lined with doors. Big doors, small doors, worn doors, new doors... the opportunities both excite and overwhelm me because I want to make sure I'm choosing my paths carefully. This devotion helped me see that it's okay for me to knock on these doors, but I need to learn when to turn and walk away from the ones that are stuck rather than breaking out the sledgehammer and WD-40!
And God confirms this in His Word. Matthew 7:7 reads, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." It doesn't say, KICK THE DOOR UNTIL YOU FORCE IT OPEN!!!
God says knock.
Ask.
Seek.
Knock.
So often I wonder why I don't have certain things, why I can't find the right answers, why the door stays closed; but it is because I'm not asking, seeking, and knocking the way He commands. It's so simple.
Ask. Your requests will be granted.
Seek. The answers will be found.
Knock. The door will be opened.
No version of that verse says "Knock, then open the door." It says the door will be opened for you, which makes my part pretty easy! Just knock, see if it opens, then move on if it doesn't.
I'm sharing this link because the writer of this blog says exactly what I needed to hear today and I can't phrase it any better than she did!
I've recently accepted that there are certain things in life that I think I want but I am not supposed to have. Not every door is put in my path so I can go through it. Some doors, however promising what's on the other side may be, are meant to be only tests of my faith and patience.
Life is too precious to waste energy kicking at doors God doesn't want me to open. My time is better spent on my knees praying for God to open the right doors. This writer says "There’s a door you won’t have to force because it was made for swinging open at the faintest touch." In my heart, I know that is true.
As a divorced woman, I find myself spending too much time dwelling on my future. My life seems as though I'm standing alone in a pale room, and every wall is lined with doors. Big doors, small doors, worn doors, new doors... the opportunities both excite and overwhelm me because I want to make sure I'm choosing my paths carefully. This devotion helped me see that it's okay for me to knock on these doors, but I need to learn when to turn and walk away from the ones that are stuck rather than breaking out the sledgehammer and WD-40!
And God confirms this in His Word. Matthew 7:7 reads, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." It doesn't say, KICK THE DOOR UNTIL YOU FORCE IT OPEN!!!
God says knock.
Ask.
Seek.
Knock.
So often I wonder why I don't have certain things, why I can't find the right answers, why the door stays closed; but it is because I'm not asking, seeking, and knocking the way He commands. It's so simple.
Ask. Your requests will be granted.
Seek. The answers will be found.
Knock. The door will be opened.
No version of that verse says "Knock, then open the door." It says the door will be opened for you, which makes my part pretty easy! Just knock, see if it opens, then move on if it doesn't.
Lead Me & Protect Me, O Lord!
Psalm 25:4-7, 16-21
"Show me the right path, O Lord;
point out the road for me to follow.
Lead me by your truth and teach me,
for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.
Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love,
which you have shown from long ages past.
Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth.
Remember me in the light of your unfailing love,
for you are merciful, O Lord.
"Turn to me and have mercy,
for I am alone and in deep distress.
My problems go from bad to worse.
Oh, save me from them all!
Feel my pain and see my trouble.
Forgive all my sins.
See how many enemies I have
and how viciously they hate me!
Protect me! Rescue my life from them!
Do not let me be disgraced, for in you I take refuge.
My integrity and honesty protect me,
for I put my hope in you."
Make a wish!
When my birthday rolls around, there's one moment I look forward to. My cake sits there on the table (if I'm lucky, it has strawberries!). People I love are singing in my honor. There's a brief moment where I inhale deeply, preparing to blow out the candles to make a wish...
That's my moment.
I don't honestly put faith in wishes I make over birthday candles, but in those few brief seconds, I imagine that whatever wish I make will come alive as soon as that flame turns to smoke.
Right now, sitting on the couch tonight watching Pitch Perfect on DVR ("I'm going to finish him like a cheesecake!"), I feel like I'm standing in front of a cake full of so many candles that the fire department better be on speed dial ;)
I'm holding my breath and envisioning the wishes I could make at this point in my life, and I'm realizing that I can wish for WHATEVER I WANT!!! It's a freaking awesome feeling! I can go back to graduate school, I can plan a trip to Italy or a weekend in Savannah, I can publish a book of poetry or learn to speak Spanish, I can take my time and wait for a man who deserves and appreciates all I have to offer.
I feel like I'm at the very beginning of my life. Okay, well, maybe that is a tad bit dramatic. But even if I'm not at the beginning, I feel like so many wonderful experiences await me as soon as I blow out these candles...
I just need to take a deep breath and go for it!
It think it's time to cut this cake :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)