Sun, Sand, and a book in my hand

Lately, I've allowed myself to get wrapped up in how far my life is from the life I'd imagined having. It's gotten me pretty down, to be honest. My mind and body had been feeling quite weary, so I took a vacation -- ten amazing days at beautiful Panama City Beach where much of my time was spent on a lounge chair listening to the waves.  

Relaxation, reflection, and rediscovery of myself was exactly what I needed! The waves washed away the negative feelings that had been plaguing my heart, especially the insecurity and hurt of rejection we single gals often face in the dating world. I don't have to feel lonely just because I don't have a husband and family of my own.

I needed a reality check!!! Life could be a lot different, but different is just different... not better. My married friends with kids love their lives, but I'm sure they could look longingly at my week on the beach without a worry in the world in the same way that I look at them playing with their kids. 

Different... NOT better.

My life is amazing just the way it is, and I choose to embrace all of it! 

Especially Pina Coladas for lunch and bikinis on the beach.

It's great to be me :-)

Be the author of your own life story

As a writer, my nature is to thoroughly assess every angle of a situation. What's happening here? is simply the first question asked in a long series of whys, hows, whos, and whats. My characters demand this attention to detail. They require my insight so they can grow and develop in positive, purposeful ways throughout their stories.

Yet, I find myself failing to allow the same thoughtful deliberation in my personal circumstances. I don't want to appear a drama queen because that is so far from who I am, and I don't want to over-think things I should be relaxing and enjoying. Where is the line drawn between having responsible thought processes and being a control freak?

This week, as I begin the draft on the first novel in a series about embracing life in its fullest, I've been looking at my own life as though I were a character in a book:

What would I, the author, change about my character? 

What type of future will she have? 

How can I develop her into the heroine of her own story?

It's rather odd to step back and objectively look at your own life, but I highly suggest you do that today. If you were a character in a book, would the reader want to know more? Would the reader sympathize with your situation or hope you fall flat on your face? Please don't misunderstand me here - I'm not saying you should change yourself based on what other people think. Just take a deep look at your character and ask yourself, Is she/he someone I'd want to get to know? Is my story a comedy, a tragedy, a page-turner, or the boring kind you'd put down after only one chapter?

Then, I want you to realize that you are the author of your own story.
If you want a different ending, then write one!
My coffee collar this morning at Starbucks quotes Oprah Winfrey and says, "The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life you want."

What life do you want?

That's the story you should be writing.

Strike one, strike two, close your mouth when you chew.

The date started off kind of creepy. I'd been talking to this military guy for several weeks, and he seemed to be infatuated with me (so, of course, I was eating that up!!). He lived several hours away, so when a free weekend rolled around for his work, we finally decided to meet. As usual with online dating, I always pick a public place. He suggested Wal-mart.

Yep. Wal-mart.

Strike one.

So I agreed to meet him at the store I hate more than any other store (unless I'm going there to people watch, which is a whole different story!). After weeks of phone conversations, I felt really comfortable meeting him, but I wanted a little reinforcement because I had agreed to get in his car (an online dating "no no") and ride to the restaurant for dinner. He had no idea that my friends were parked nearby watching his every move and following us to dinner.

So I'm standing outside of Wal-mart hoping he looks as cute in person as he did in his pictures, and a big van slowly rolls by. I'm thinking, "Yep, so this is how it's going to end. Online dating and I get kidnapped by some 50-year-old creeper in the Mystery Machine posing as an Army hottie on Match.com."

At the exact moment I decide to pull out my phone to call my friends, arms reach around me from behind and cover my eyes, and I do what any normal woman would do.

"What the ****?" I scream and slap the hands away, my heart nose-diving to the pavement.

He laughs.

Strike two.

Actually, that should have been strikes two and three, but I was just so happy to not be kidnapped and tossed in a van that I let it slide. Plus he had roses, which almost made up for scaring the pee out of me in the Wal-mart parking lot.

Almost.

So we went to dinner. He had no idea that the giggling girls at the booth across from ours were my best friends when he called them spoiled ditzes as they laughed ridiculously loud at who knows what (probably my facial expressions trying to pretend I didn't see their shenanigans out of the corner of my eye).

Other than the constant battle to ignore my friends, the dinner was going well. Great, in fact. He carried on intelligent conversation, asking questions about me and seeming to be genuinely interested in my answers.

Until the food came. Okay, let me explain one thing. I'm bad about interrupting people. I know it's a problem. I honestly try to refrain and wait until they get done with their story, but some people just take too dang long to spit it out when I just need to interject one tiny bit of info that will only take a second. If I don't say it in the moment, then it makes no sense later after the long-winded person finally gets to a stopping point. I'm an interrupter. I admit it. Oh well.

And he was a long-winded talker. This was fine, and we managed to communicate relatively well until he babbled on and on while I stuffed my face nodding along to his story (that made no sense, by the way). Finally, he said something that I just couldn't stop myself from responding to, so I opened my mouth to say TWO WORDS, and I'll be danged if the dumb butt didn't put his hand over my mouth in the middle of the whole restaurant.

"You can't talk when you're chewing," he scolded.

Strike three.

I almost got up from the table right then and there. My friends saw his little hand-over-mouth action, and they nearly fell out of their chairs in laughter while I, on the other hand, didn't know if I should crawl under the table in embarrassment or give him a real piece of mind.

I chose to sit there lady-like and not say another word. He finished his story. I finished my meal.

And my friends faces were sore the next day from laughing.

You dare me to be myself? Challenge accepted!

Okay, so I'm online dating. It's no secret to any of my friends and family; in fact, it is more of a running joke at family dinners. I guess after a year of Match, ChristianMingle, Zoosk, Tinder... the list goes on and on... I have to laugh at myself, too!

Anyway, I went on a few dates with this one guy recently. He is very handsome, always smiling, made me laugh, has a stable job, is great with kids... check, check, check... he was stacking up pretty well against my wish list. Although things didn't work out with him, I owe this guy a big THANK YOU.

After getting to know each other a few weeks, he understood me quite well - better than anyone I've dated since my divorce - and he pointed out something that my little brother has been telling me for a while. I guess I finally needed to hear it from someone else, and I was actually very impressed that he cared enough to point this out to me (although he could have approached it a little more delicately).

Apparently, I have this idea in my mind of the woman I should be. It's my "ideal" me, I guess you could say. He pointed out that I am so hard on myself that I often feel the need to hide parts of who I am when I'm around certain people (he was 100% correct about that, by the way).

Surely, he was trying to tell me that I'm awesome just the way I am!! That's what I'm telling myself he meant (I choose to ignore the fact that if he thought I was awesome, then he'd probably still be calling, lol).

What I took away from our conversation was that I should free myself of unrealistic expectations and just embrace who I truly am 24/7 no matter who is around. His good-intentioned insults really made me re-evaluate the pressure I put on myself. Why do I hold myself to certain standards? Why do I think I should be/act a certain way? Is it because of what I think is right or because of what someone else thinks?

He shined a harsh light on my life, and I'm very thankful. By making me realize that there is nothing wrong with the real me, he has no idea how much he has impacted my life. I hope he reads this one day and knows how grateful I am.

So here I am -- thanks in great part to this man from whom I may never hear again -- embracing everything about myself, making no more apologies, and hiding nothing from anyone any longer. His loss that he didn't stick around long enough to see the change himself :-)