Okay, so I'm online dating. It's no secret to any of my friends and family; in fact, it is more of a running joke at family dinners. I guess after a year of Match, ChristianMingle, Zoosk, Tinder... the list goes on and on... I have to laugh at myself, too!
Anyway, I went on a few dates with this one guy recently. He is very handsome, always smiling, made me laugh, has a stable job, is great with kids... check, check, check... he was stacking up pretty well against my wish list. Although things didn't work out with him, I owe this guy a big THANK YOU.
After getting to know each other a few weeks, he understood me quite well - better than anyone I've dated since my divorce - and he pointed out something that my little brother has been telling me for a while. I guess I finally needed to hear it from someone else, and I was actually very impressed that he cared enough to point this out to me (although he could have approached it a little more delicately).
Apparently, I have this idea in my mind of the woman I should be. It's my "ideal" me, I guess you could say. He pointed out that I am so hard on myself that I often feel the need to hide parts of who I am when I'm around certain people (he was 100% correct about that, by the way).
Surely, he was trying to tell me that I'm awesome just the way I am!! That's what I'm telling myself he meant (I choose to ignore the fact that if he thought I was awesome, then he'd probably still be calling, lol).
What I took away from our conversation was that I should free myself of unrealistic expectations and just embrace who I truly am 24/7 no matter who is around. His good-intentioned insults really made me re-evaluate the pressure I put on myself. Why do I hold myself to certain standards? Why do I think I should be/act a certain way? Is it because of what I think is right or because of what someone else thinks?
He shined a harsh light on my life, and I'm very thankful. By making me realize that there is nothing wrong with the real me, he has no idea how much he has impacted my life. I hope he reads this one day and knows how grateful I am.
So here I am -- thanks in great part to this man from whom I may never hear again -- embracing everything about myself, making no more apologies, and hiding nothing from anyone any longer. His loss that he didn't stick around long enough to see the change himself :-)
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